The Wedding That Never Was
by kittyponnumber42
Summary: Sequel to A Shopping Tale of Epic Proportions. In a world where ninjas have flashy name tags, yu-gi-oh is the way to duel, and ferrets kill..Eve and Kira are getting married! 3-part Death Note fic with a splash of Naruto.
1. Part 1

You know, I've always wanted to go to the Sakura Festival...but anyway, the whole 'Kira! Athrun!' part is inspired by the gundam seed chibi theatre, so yeah...and Vincent is based on my friend Chase, who is always the victim of my ridiculous death plots.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Death Note, Naruto, Gundam Seed, or Pritkin. However, Vincent, Miya, Kale and Nikki are based on my friends, and I DO own them! Mwahahaha!!

The Wedding That Never Was (Part 1)

On a surprisingly hot afternoon in March, a seemingly shy, lonely girl sobbed softly when her Cotton Candy flavored ice cream exploded onto the searing hot asphalt below.

On a completely different topic, a young couple was rushing through the crowds gathered to enjoy the blooming of Japan's cherry blossom trees.

The couple was me and Matsuda, and we were pushing madly past groups of people, in a hurry to get to the site of the five billionth wedding since the Sakura Festival had begun. It was of course the marriage of my long time friends Eve Berglund and Kira Yamato.

With only an hour to go till the wedding started, we'd hit a snag. Matsuda and I had had to sprint to the nearest drug store for a pack of Always, while Eve sat on a toilet in a blue silk kimono, not sure exactly sure how she should react.

It had been more than a year since L's last party, which to the entire world's amazement, had ended in Light Yagami's arrest as the criminal killer Kira.

I had been told by Matsuda (who I was now living with) that Light had died in custody soon after. After attempting several times to write the name of his captor, John Pritkin, on scraps of the Death Note in his own blood (which were always taken away from him before he could finish), he'd died of severe blood loss. His last words, so I've heard, were, "Damn! Now I'll _never_ see the season finale of Desperate Housewives!"

I burst through the door of the park's bathroom and thrust the pads under Eve's stall door. "Come prepared next time!" I wheezed, trying to calm my racing heartbeat.

"Omigod, I love you!!" Eve exclaimed in relief. "But I didn't need a whole pack."

"Well, I didn't exactly have time to open the thing and steal one like last time." I argued. "Besides, we're gonna be here a while."

At that point, I didn't know how right I actually was.

About an hour later, the ceremony began. Everyone had agreed it would be very simple. The guests sat on simple chairs facing a simple alter and a simple priest. Eve's parents had died and Kira's weren't worth mention, so I agreed to walk up with Kira and senile Watari with Eve.

She had invited L, Pritkin (because he was just that cool), and a bunch of our friends from way back in high school. Miya, one of my first high school friends, was standing over by the alter with Eve's other maids. She had evilly long blond hair and glasses, and had just started an internship at some prestigious hospital.

Beside her was a young woman with relatively short black hair and a dog collar around her neck. She was Kale Smith, one of the hugest animal activists in Canada.

Next to Kale was Nikki, a traveler who once or twice had helped out with some of L's investigations. Her spiky blond hair didn't go at all with the blue and black dresses us maids were all wearing, but it trimmed her pudgy figure.

Kira and I made our way down the aisle. I waved to Miya and the the other maids, and L gave me a 'Holy hell, you're wearing a dress!' look. I noticed that Matsuda was playing the part of Kira's best man. Seriously, did the groom have _any _friends?

We separated, and while Kira stopped at the alter, I took my place as the maid of honor. Then Eve and Watari walked up.

The only other vaguely interesting thing that can be noted is that the priest guy had a ridiculously high voice.

"And do you, Kira Yamato, take Eve Berglund to be your lawfully wedded wife?" The man squeaked to Kira. "I d-"

"WAIT!!"

Down the grass padded aisle raced a young man with shoulder length, blueish hair and a tight fitting jacket. "Kira!" He shouted.

Kira's jaw dropped. "..._Athrun_?!" He cried out in joyous shock.

" Kira!" Athrun sang in reply.

"Athrun!"

"Kira!" The two finally met.

Uh, I'm not very good at writing Yaoi, so I can't really describe what happened after that. But it was pretty strange to watch.

Nikki squealed in delight, being a huge Yaoi fan herself. L and every other man out there who knew he deserved better than to be the victim of another fangirl's pairings looked away in horror. I winced and asked Kira if he could take this somewhere else.

Out of nowhere, two shining white horses appeared and carried Athrun and Kira off into their better-left-unseen fantasies. Eve opened her mouth, but nothing came out, so she closed it. Then she opened it again.

"...Well...so much for that." She eventually stated blankly. The site hushed into silence, waiting for it to start raining.

Miya pushed up her glasses. "Since we're all here anyway," She spoke up. "We may as well finish this thing." I plugged my Zen into the huge stereo system set up and we got maybe half an hour of partying in before the shinobi showed up.

The six of them dropped from different branches on different cherry blossom trees in a very classic ninja movie ambush scene. They landed in a straight line along the aisle and paused to give everyone a good look at their flashy name tags.

Kakashi, Naruto, Gaara, Kankuro, Sasuke and Sakura, they read in order.

Me, L, Pritkin, Eve, and even ancient Watari had exceptional combat skills, but I didn't think it would have any effect against _these_ guys. I tried to talk the fight out of them instead.

"And you are?" I addressed them pleasantly.

"We're ninjas from Konohagakure." The gray-haired Kakashi responded. "And we've been hired to capture a..." He checked a small notebook he'd just pulled out of one his many pockets. "...A Sera Nakamura. Is she here?"

Oh _great_, I thought. "Sorry, we don't-"

"Oh sure! She's right over there." Vincent told him, pointing right at me.

Vincent was another 'friend' from high school, whom Eve had only invited because he'd forced her to hire him as a male stripper. He had light blue eyes and brown, bowl cut hair that I was going to rip out of his head when this was all over.

The situation got worse when more ninjas dropped down. Three jumped in front of the alter, hidden in large-collared black cloaks with red clouds. They had even flashier name tags.

Itachi, Deidara, Sasori.

Cockatoo-haired Sasuke glared hard at Itachi. "So older brother, we meet again." He hissed. Itachi sighed deeply. "Are you still fussing over that whole vengeance thing?" Deidara and Sasori shook their heads in disappointment of the younger brother.

"He's _so _immature." Commented Sasori.

As if it was possible, Sasuke glared even harder. "I _will_ get revenge for the Uchiha family's murder. We're gonna fight right now!!" He roared.

Itachi sighed again. "Oh, as you wish..." He remarked tiredly. "But remember, you asked for it."

They proceeded to get into a very intense Yu-gi-oh duel.

Unfortunately, the victor of this duel would not be discovered because of what would happen next. However, I _can_ tell you that Itachi was doing a very good job of kicking Sasuke's ass.

Everyone was focused on the brother's duel except for me. I was too busy being relieved that the focus was off of _me_! I was feeling good until a slight rumbling was heard from far off somewhere. I directed a pleading look at my boyfriend, asking him to know something about what was going on. He just shrugged, grabbed my hand and started dragging me off to what he thought was safety.

The rumbling got louder and louder, and we finally spotted it's cause coming up over a hill on the other side of the park. Lots of people screamed and ran for their lives, but even more still just stood and stared in immense weirded outness.

More than a thousand million white-furred ferrets were scampering down the aforementioned hill, no doubt to join the ranks of the Resident Evil zombies in face eating.

My jaw dropped to what I imagine was the floor, and Eve danced over to us, squealing. "I bet you one of those ferrets is secretly Draco Malfoy!"

The ferret army's eyes glinted evilly and their tiny teeth were bared as they finally clashed with what had previously been wedding guests.

Luckily, Vincent's life was the only one taken.

A large group of especially mean looking ferrets knocked him down and immediately we knew he was doomed. L hopped his way through the white blanket over to where we were standing. The four of us had to look away as the creatures advanced on Vincent.

To this day, no one knows exactly why the animals killed only him. He didn't have anything particularly smelly or food-like on him, and he didn't threaten them in any way, they just happened to really want to try a piece of his face. He was _just Vincent_, I guess...

Anyway, Matsuda and L were trying to back us away from the frenzy, but Eve kept going around asking any of the ferrets if they were secretly Draco Malfoy.

Then it happened.

One little guy managed to stop dashing around for a second and sniffed my foot. He looked around for a moment and then sniffed again, unsure. Then, all of a sudden, he started jumping and leaping around to let all his ferret friends know he'd found what they were looking for. _Me_.

The entire white mass of them turned in my direction, and I was helpless to resist as they crawled up my dress, knocking me down with their combined weight.

My body landed on a ferret bed, but my head thudded hard on the grass, making my vision all fuzzy. "Sera!" Matsuda yelled, reaching out his hand. I tried to grab it, but the ferrets were now rushing to the hill they'd came from and we were too far apart.

"Mat...suda..." Then I fell unconscious.

TO BE CONTINUED...

**What will happen to Sera? What's Matsuda gonna do about it? Will Eve ever find her true love/Draco Malfoy?**

**Find out in Part 2!**


	2. Part 2

I personally think there's a little bit of The Ice Cream Girl in all of us...except maybe I'd be The Frozen Yogurt Girl, since I'm lactose intolerant..."

**Disclaimer:** If I owned Death Note, Naruto, Mircea, CSI and Reepicheep, I wouldn't have to post this stuff on to get it noticed.

The Wedding That Never Was (Part 2)

Slowly, I opened my eyes. Looking around, I realized I was in a large cave, facing the opening. I saw sunlight outside and decided it was the day after Eve's wedding (or lack thereof). My head was throbbing, and I reached up to rub it.

Oh yeah, I couldn't. _Great._

I was reclining comfortably on a La-Z-Boy, however, I was also uncomfortably tied to it. I clenched my fists, suddenly wishing I'd worn pants.

I looked around again to give myself something to do. There were several tunnels leading to different rooms, and one of those plastic kid's tables sat off to my right. There was a few kid-sized chairs and one adult-sized office chair. Toys and dolls were strewn all over the floor and shelves. It was pretty creepy.

Even more creepy was the ten year old girl sitting across from me. Her thin blond hair was tied in pigtails and she was sucking on a lollipop with a malicious smile on her face.

"Hello Sera Nakamura." She giggled. "Welcome to my fort."

I burst out laughing.

The girl's expression turned sour. "Stop laughing!" She demanded in a shrill voice. "This isn't funny at all. If you hadn't noticed, you're in a lot of trouble, Sera."

"Am I?" I challenged, still trying to stop laughing. "And who are you to say something like that?"

"You will know me only as..." She paused for dramatic effect. "_The Ice Cream Girl!!"_ Climatic music sounded from nowhere in particular. I figured I was better off giving up the issue.

"So why am I tied to a recliner?"

The Ice Cream Girl shook her head in disappointment. "You don't remember me, do you." I shook _my_ head in confusion. The kid sighed. "No, of course you don't. Fine, I'll tell you the story."

I rolled my eyes, sensing I'd be here a while.

"It was a surprisingly hot day in March. Sound familiar? A seemingly shy, lonely girl sobbed softly when her Cotton Candy flavored ice cream exploded onto the searing hot asphalt below."

It _did_ sound vaguely familiar, I thought.

"On a completely different topic, a young couple was rushing through the crowds gathered to enjoy the blooming of Japan's cherry blossom trees."

"The couple was me and Matsuda, and we were pushing past groups of people, in a hurry to get to the site of the five billionth wedding since the Sakura Festival had begun!" I recited as dawn struck.

"Yes." The ice cream girl nodded. "And whilst you were running around with your boyfriend, your right arm smashed into the little appendage of young girl, knocking over her freshly bought ice cream."

I bore a dumbfounded expression. "I guess the topic wasn't so completely different after all, but what does that have to do with anything?"

"But the young girl was neither shy nor lonely," Continued the ice cream girl, ignoring me. "And in a fit of rage she called up her guardian and ordered that the perpetrator of such a vile act be punished."

Then it clicked. "Are you trying to tell me that you kidnapped me because I knocked over your _ice cream_?"

My captor nodded nonchalantly. "Yup! Mr. Mircea, my guardian, organized the whole thing! I'm going to get my Ultimate Revenge!" She proceeded to chuckle evilly.

My blood froze. "Did you just say Mircea?"

Mircea, like John Pritkin, was a prominent character in the Cassie Palmer Series. His main role was letting Cassie know that about _everything_ counted on her losing her virginity, and then doing some very graphic things to her. Twice. I didn't like him much.

"Yes, but not to worry. Mircea says I can do whatever I want to you." The ice cream girl grinned.

"Hm, yes. I see."

"So if you want to do any pleading or begging, please do so now."

"Sure. Do you think I could have a crepe er something? I'm having simply ravenous cravings for one..."

"No. Now about your torture. I think first I'll dunk you in a vat of melted ice cream, and then-"

"With strawberries, if you don't mind."

Soon after, she gave in and I was served a crepe. I gasped in shock, not at the crepe, but at the shinigami serving it.

"Ryuk!" I exclaimed. He had made an appearance at L's farewell party, but I'd never seen him again. He was wearing an apron that said 'Kiss the cook.'

"Yo!" He greeted me in his creepy voice. "What are _you_ doing here?" I inquired.

"Well, once Light got caught and everything, I met Mircea and ended up in line with Rem and this chick." He explained, handing me my plate. "I tell you, it's never boring with Angie around!"

"I _told you _ not to call me by my real name!" Angie seethed.

"Rem?" I blinked.

"Oh right!" Ryuk turned his large head and started talking to thin air. "Rem, honey, would you let her touch your Death Note please?"

A moment later, a white shinigami with thick tendrils of purple hair appeared beside me. "Rem." It announced in a deep female voice, holding out a long bony hand for me to shake. Hesitantly, I did, and noticed a large gold ring on one of her fingers.

"You two are..."

"We're married!" Quipped Ryuk. I nodded dumbly. "When Misa died, I decided I was to good for her anyway and got together with Ryuk." Added Rem.

Ryuk pulled an apple out of nowhere and took out about half the apple in one bite. "You want the rest, sweetie?" Rem outstretched a long, sharp-angled arm, grabbed the fruit, and took a bite herself.

In less than two seconds, a ghastly rash had broken out all over Rem's spongy body. "Oh...she's allergic..."

"Mouse!" Angie shrieked. "Get over here!"

A two-foot tall mouse scurried out of one of the tunnels, a large satchel around his neck and a tiny little rapier at his side. "At your service, milady." It declared.

"Reepicheep?" I blubbered. "From The Chronicles of Narnia?" Reepicheep made a curt little bow. "Yes. I was pulled from my homeland for use as one of Mircea's slaves" He reminisced, searching through his satchel for a cream for Rem's rash.

" This is too much!" I breathed.

I was strapped to that recliner for about a week. I was treated well enough by Angie's servants, being fed by Ryuk and Rem and even being allowed to watch TV. I got madly addicted to this show I knew only as 'Korean Drama'.

Whenever Angie was around, she would whisper bitter nothings in my ear about all the ways she'd torture me; like drowning my bear-bag Baroqueheat in a tub of melted ice cream. They all seemed to involve ice cream. Not very creative, Angie was.

"Soon that will be you Sera." She would always say...

Meanwhile, on the other side of the hill the cave was dug into, back at the park, a team of elite CSI's were collecting evidence from every square inch of the wedding site. Thirty percent of the said evidence were pieces of Vincent's body.

"Mauled by ferrets." Gil Grissom affirmed. "Not a very pleasant way to die." Catherine Willows nodded in agreement and acknowledged the remains with disgust.

Sasuke and Itachi had restarted their intense Yu-gi-oh duel in a cleared section of the park. Itachi was still winning.

Matsuda paced agitatedly back and forth, then ran over to Grissom and the CSI team. "Why are we still _here_?"

"We're collecting evidence." Grissom answered plainly.

Matsuda grabbed Gil's shoulders and shook them ferociously. "Would you just listen to me?! I've told you a billion times that the ferrets took her over that hill. Go over _THERE_!!"

Grissom, Catherine, Sara, Warrick, Nick, Greg, Brass and Dr. Robins looked at him for a moment, and then went on with their work.

"AAAGGHH!!" Matsuda roared, racing over to the hill in question.

Eve was poking around the scraps of her wedding, searching for Draco Malfoy's body...

The eighth night, I sat in my recliner and stared blankly at the cave's ceiling, unable to sleep.

Suddenly, a slender male figure appeared at the mouth of the cave. I really hoped it was Matsuda come to take me back to our house, because my email inbox was probably backed up all the way to Hokkaido! The figure stepped into the dim light of the cavern, and by the long, black hair tied with a gold clip, the perfect features, and the vampire fangs, I knew I'd gotten Mircea instead.

"Mircea!" I choked. "Get ou-"

In a second flat, Mircea was by my side, holding a hand over my mouth. "Quiet _Dulceata_," He whispered. "We mustn't wake Angie."

Once he'd let go, I told him where he could shove _that_ idea. "You're the one who let her kidnap me!"

"There was a method to my madness, trust me." He sang. "Oh yeah? And what's that?" I sneered.

Next thing I knew, Mircea was sitting on my lap, facing me.

"I don't have time to tell the entire story, but the basic gist of it involves your virginity."

"But I'm not a virgin..."

"You must trust me, Sera." He informed me, running his agile hands under my dress and slowly up my legs.

"Don't make me call 'Rape', you son of a—Hey!" Mircea's hands had reached the top of my thighs, and he leaned in closer to my face. Then...

CRASH!!

TO BE CONTINUED...

**Will Sera end up being raped by some perverted vampire? What the hell is with those Uchiha's? Will Sara Sidle ever realize she's the least liked character on CSI?**

**Find out in The Wedding That Never Was Part 3the Final Part!!**


	3. Part 3

Final part!...Am I the only one wishing there actually was a Sasuke Can Die In A Hole club? Or better yet, a Light Yagami Can Die In A Hole club, because I really do hate him that much! Anyway, I actually looked up the names of the LOTR character's fathers in the book so I'd get it right...yeah, I'm a total geek...--"

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Death Note, Naruto, LOTR, FullMetal Alchemist, CSI or Dazzle. I really wish I did, but alas...it is not to be. TTTT

The Wedding That Never Was (Part 3)

After more than a week, Itachi and Sasuke Uchiha were still battling in the park. Itachi still had the advantage, but every once in a while Sasuke would pull a fast one on his brother with a hidden trap card or something.

Oh, by the way, their battle consisted entirely of Yu-gi-oh cards.

Dark circles ringed their bloodshot eyes, and each side of the battlefield was littered with several empty energy drink cans and chocolate bar wrappers. Long ago, Deidara and Sasori had retreated to a Starbucks a couple blocks away in a state of utter boredom.

It was about four in the morning on the ninth day when it happened. Sakura Haruno, director of the official Sasuke Fan Club, and Naruto Uzumaki, director of the Sasuke Can Die In A Hole Club, had shown up to watch the spectacle in their dramatic action anime way.

Suddenly, there came a great cracking sound from the cherry blossom tree beside Sasuke and a moment later the great plant toppled over, heading straight for the young Uchiha's skull. At the last minute, Itachi jumped and unceremoniously shoved Sasuke and himself away from the oncoming wood.

Fortunately for a lot of people, the tree fell right onto Sakura, killing her instantly.

"You...you saved me!" Sasuke gasped.

Itachi directed a strange look in his brother's direction. "Are you kidding? There was no _way_ I was going to let your perfectly tailored Uchiha shirt get all ripped up!!"

Kankuro's puppets proceeded to commit suicide a short while later.

Meanwhile, the CSI team was still working hard to...well I'm not really sure _what_ they were trying to do, but at any rate, they had not yet come up with the location of a young woman by the name of Sera Nakamura.

However, Greg Sanders, after moving about a few dead ferret carcases and chunks of Vincent Green (who had been violently mauled by the rodents), had found a strangely shaped red stone that shone rather brightly. He held it up to the lack of light that shone at 4:30 in the morning and it glowed even brighter. "What is this thing? It kind of looks like garnet er something" Speculated the young CSI.

"There it is, Al!" Shouted a young male voice. "We've finally found the Philosopher's Stone."

Out of pretty much nowhere, a teenage boy with long, braided blond hair and a black jacket appeared. He was flexing his right arm, which happened to be made of auto mail. Beside him was a giant suit of armor.

"But brother..." Intoned the suit, who I assume was Al. "Are you sure it's not another fake?"

"There's only one way to find out." The blond declared, snatching the stone from Greg's hand. The brothers then scampered away to a corner of the park to make sure they'd gotten the right rock. They hadn't.

Kakashi Hatake, who wore a mask every day for no reason at all, sighed deeply and clutched his forehead with his thumb and forefinger. "Man, this place is weird!" Exclaimed the ninja. "Guys, let's go back to Konoha with all those filler episodes."

And that's why sixty episodes of fillers came to pass in the Naruto anime. As to the reason those sixty were also dubbed for American release, that's up for speculation.

Back to the real point, Kakashi and the rest of the shinobi vanished in puffs of smoke. Itachi, Deidara and Sasori got bored after a while and went to a Pachinko parlor, while the CSIs continued their frivolous yet useless investigations.

Half a kilometer east, on top of the hill, Touta Matsuda crept along on his stomach, biding the time till he would go save his girlfriend. It was nearly five in the morning and still relatively dark, but Matsuda spotted a group of ferrets guarding a large opening in the hillside.

He got to his knees and was about to start crawling towards the opening, but a foot had just placed itself gently on his back. He slowly turned and realized that the owner of the aforementioned foot was a silver haired elf with a bow and multiple arrows on his back. Next to him stood a dark haired human with a sword and a bearded dwarf that was wielding a rather enormous Ax.

Matsuda opened his mouth to scream, but the elf cut him off.

"Stay quiet, friend." The elf whispered. "The Orks will be arriving shortly."

"And I'll be damned if I don't kill at least ten thousand of the vermin!" The dwarf boomed in his hearty voice.

"You fool, there's less than that we have to fight." Laughed the human.

"Who the _hell _are you guys?!" Matsuda demanded.

"I am Aragorn son of Arathorn." Replied the human. "And these are Legolas son of Thranduil and Gimli son of Gloin. We are here to assist the hobbit Frodo Baggins in his quest to destroy the Ring of Power and defeat Sauron and the Orks."

Matsuda's eyes widened in immense wonder and confusion. "Uh...My name's Touta Matsuda, and I'm trying to rescue my girlfriend Sera from a pack of ferrets. And I don't see any Orks anywhere..."

Aragorn squinted his eyes to look into the distance. "It seems you may be right, young Matsuda. But this _is_ Helm's Deep, is it not?"

Matsuda shook his head belligerently. "No, this is Sakura Park."

Legolas frowned in frustration. "Oh...well...I guess we'll be off then. Many thanks, my low-grammared friend, for this vital piece of information."

With that, the three turned on their heels and headed back down the hill.

"I told you we took a wrong turn after Rivendell." Gimli muttered to his companions. They disappeared into the dark mist of early morning.

"Yeah, thanks for the help." Grumbled Matsuda under his breath.

Again, he started his crawling descent to the cave where Sera was being held. Much to his relief, he found that every single one of the ferrets guarding the opening were fast asleep, and went hopping and creeping past them.

Then Eve showed up.

"Hey!" She hollered, so loud that all within a ten-block radius could hear. "Would any of you happen to secretly be Draco Malfoy?" Instantly, every single one of the ferrets guarding the opening were _not _fast asleep, they were wide awake, and in one probably extensively rehearsed move, they turned their tiny heads to look at Matsuda.

His leg was raised in mid step and his hands were in that pose a cartoon character has when he's sneaking up on something. He opened his mouth.

"Oh shit."

CRASH!!

I woke up suddenly in a cold sweat. Thank god, I thought. The whole Mircea thing had only been a dream. After a few glances, I was surprised to learn that one of the several tunnels in the cave had collapsed. At least it hadn't been the opening.

I was also surprised when someone started releasing me from the confines of the recliner. Through the dark blue light, I was able to make out the form of a young man with short blond hair and bronzed skin.

"What have you gotten us into, Rahzel?!" He whined with a pouty look on his face.

"...R-ra-rahzel..." I stammered, feeling a weird sense almost like Deja Vu.

My releaser waved his hand up and down in front of my face. "Hellooo in there. This is Rayborn speaking."

Finally something clicked. "Rayborn Diorte!" I yelped, leaping out of my chair.

Two men around my own age entered the room. One had white hair that covered half his face and bright red eyes, while the other had short brown air that flicked away from his head. He lit a cigarette and took a long drag.

"Alzeid! Baroqueheat!" I couldn't believe this. Here, right before my eyes were three of the characters from my favorite manga, Dazzle, and they'd mistaken me for the main character Rahzel.

Baroqueheat took another puff and walked over to me, placing his hands on his chest. "Rahzel, I could've _sworn_ you were only an A cup, not a DD." He brooded.

I looked up at him, totally speechless.

"And the stupid chick isn't so old, either." Frowned Alzeid. I was too dumbfounded to point out that I was only 26.

"...C-can I have your autograph?" I finally stuttered.

Baroqueheat's hands snapped away from my chest, but he didn't get to make any profuse apologies, because Mircea had entered the room. He was _just_ the vampire I wanted to see.

"Sera!" He squawked. He ran to my side, and the second it took cleared my head a little. Mircea yanked my arm, trying to pull me away from my beloved manga characters.

"Don't touch me you freaking pedophile!" I screamed. Mircea continued in his attempt to pull my arm out of its socket. "You must trust me, _Dulceata_!"

A dejected look fell over Baroqueheat. "Is this jerk bothering you, ma'am?" He almost hissed.

"Yeah!" I responded loudly. "This dude wants to rape me or something!!"

My favorite Dazzle character paused, then dropped his cigarette. In one swift move, his right arm changed into a sword and he sliced Mircea clean in half. Mircea's top half finally let go of my arm and toppled to the ground.

"Oh..." I said in conclusion. "That's kind of gross..."

Then Matsuda appeared at the entrance of the cave. "Sera! Oh my god, are you okay?" We met and he hugged me so tight I nearly suffocated.

After getting Rayborn, Alzeid and Baroqueheat's autographs, we pulled Eve away from her ferrets and started home.

Meanwhile, all the ruckus had woken Angie, and she was _not_ happy about it. In an attempt to cheer herself up, she went to her freezer and got a bowl full of bubblegum flavored ice cream. She then headed to the main room of her fort to see what all the noise was about. As soon as she had stepped inside, Rayborn Diorte ran obliviously past, not noticing she was there, and the bowl fell depressingly to the floor.

Her little eyes narrowed to tight slits. "You will rue the day you ever messed with...THE ICE CREAM GIRL!!"

**DA DA DUUNN!!**

**In the next fic, Quillsh Todd: The Demon Chef of Wammy's House, you will learn the most hidden secrets on Watari's cooking, find out the reason why Matt always wears those goggles, view Sera throwing up in amazing HD detail, and see Gollum take a new precious.**

**Go look it up!!**


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